Stan was all hot and bothered by a woman he found on the internet and theough she'd be normal. She had a job, had a kid at college, owned her own home, was in debt but not horribly. He took her out to an expensive dinner and she tells him she is a collector. She has a couple different items she collects that are worth a lot. The date goes farily well and then he gets invited to go back to her place to watch a movie. When he gets there, the door opens and he said it was like a Home Shopping Network's warehouse. There were several series of plates...some with dogs, some Elvis, and some covered by collection of dolls so he couldn't see them. There were all sorts of knick knacks and to top it all off there were pigs everywhere. Stuffed pigs, ceramic pigs, cast iron pigs .... and a live pig that came out of the kitchen to greet him. Stan didn't stay for the movie. The woman said he was shallow..
But damn she was so hot before that!
Monday, September 1, 2008
The date went wrong the night before the date!
Please add this to your blog:
After having gone through the hoops and hurdles of a popular internet dating site, "Bob" and "Debbie" found they had a lot in common and decided to meet for dinner at a trendy suburban Tex-Mex restaurant.
The night before their much anticiapted "first date", Debbie phoned Bob and asked if it was okay if she e-mailed him her requirements for her next husband for him to review. Not knowing what else to do, Bob agrees. After reading Debbie's tome, Bob decides
that one date with Debbie is probably going to be quite enough:
1. You are a good man. You recognize a thing of values front of you and hold on to it. Above all else,you love God and are submitted to Jesus Christ.
2. You are not looking for a one-night stand, a short fling, or to fill up a little black book. You are not looking for someone to fill a wifely position. You are looking for someone to partner with you in marriage.
3. You are a grown-up, mature man who is ready to participate in an adult relationship. You understand that love is a choice we make, and that marriage is a union for the good of both people – anagreement to help each other through this life until one or both of us is called from it.
4. You understandwhat real love is, because you’ve had a real encounter with a real Savior. This is not a religion for you, but something that pours from your heart.
5. You are family-oriented. You are responsible, tender-hearted, and know how to make and keep a commitment.
6. You are honest and forthcoming. You know how to love people, and that it’s shown more in actions than by what you say.
7. I am filled with joy in your presence. I feel treasured and safe. You are a shield and a guardover me. If there’s anyone in the world who I know will not hurt me, it’s you. When you look at me, I feel your genuine admiration. We enjoy each other’s company immensely. We have conversations that aremeaningful, we are unified in purpose, we connect spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
After having gone through the hoops and hurdles of a popular internet dating site, "Bob" and "Debbie" found they had a lot in common and decided to meet for dinner at a trendy suburban Tex-Mex restaurant.
The night before their much anticiapted "first date", Debbie phoned Bob and asked if it was okay if she e-mailed him her requirements for her next husband for him to review. Not knowing what else to do, Bob agrees. After reading Debbie's tome, Bob decides
that one date with Debbie is probably going to be quite enough:
1. You are a good man. You recognize a thing of values front of you and hold on to it. Above all else,you love God and are submitted to Jesus Christ.
2. You are not looking for a one-night stand, a short fling, or to fill up a little black book. You are not looking for someone to fill a wifely position. You are looking for someone to partner with you in marriage.
3. You are a grown-up, mature man who is ready to participate in an adult relationship. You understand that love is a choice we make, and that marriage is a union for the good of both people – anagreement to help each other through this life until one or both of us is called from it.
4. You understandwhat real love is, because you’ve had a real encounter with a real Savior. This is not a religion for you, but something that pours from your heart.
5. You are family-oriented. You are responsible, tender-hearted, and know how to make and keep a commitment.
6. You are honest and forthcoming. You know how to love people, and that it’s shown more in actions than by what you say.
7. I am filled with joy in your presence. I feel treasured and safe. You are a shield and a guardover me. If there’s anyone in the world who I know will not hurt me, it’s you. When you look at me, I feel your genuine admiration. We enjoy each other’s company immensely. We have conversations that aremeaningful, we are unified in purpose, we connect spiritually, emotionally, and physically.
Greatest Profile
Here I am, looking for a new mom. Mine kicked me out as soon as I finished school and I've been looking for her replacement every since. I have no direction or motivation in life. I've perfected the art of manipulation and exploitation. I have no friends, it takes too much effort to make and keep them. I have no accomplishments, goals, dreams or future plans to speak of. My therapist wants to write a book about me. She's intrigued with the level of nothingness I have found. Fortunately my sessions are free. I have no means to pay for them. Should I be charging her for research material? There's an idea! I spend no time or effort on my family....they know me and I have no chance of getting anything out of them. I could care less about life and the world taking place around it. Give me a room, remote, couch and a new mom and I'm happy! Why travel? Maps are confusing and hitchiking isn't safe! If interested, read on.......More on a serious note, I like to dance and I'm interested in taking some Latin dance classes/lessons. Someone with the ability to dance and having the same interest would be nice!What am I looking for in a match? I don't think it would be fair for me to require the typical traits that most of the members have posted here. I don't feel right asking for something I can't offer in return. So here goes..... If you have direction, accomplishments, goals, a sense of worth, happiness, family, friends, a career(not job),workout/stay fit, eat healthy, considered attractive, motivated, enthusiastic, and have a SENSE OF HUMOR then don't waste your time on me....LOL!!! All jokes aside. If you have taken the time to REALLY read these narratives and find yourself interested, then reply and let's see how it goes. Again, on a more serious note. If you're interested in Latin dance and have a desire to learn, I'm looking for a potential partner. I have past experience in dance. If you share the same experience and current interest, that would be great!
Moving on
Bob met Sarah after a few fun email exchanges. She loved pets and he loved pets. She liked to spend quiet nights at home; he did too.
When they met, he was surprised it was the same lady. She was much wider than the picture suggested. However, thinking looks weren't everything and that she could always diet, they ordered coffee and sat outside to drink it. Bob kept smelling cat urine.
It didn't take long to get around to the pets. Turned out she had 12 cats living inside and about 5 or 6 outsdie. "Oh no!" Bob thought, "I've found the cat woman!"
After Bob changed positions to sit upwind, they had pleasant conversation and he said goodbye after agreeing they weren't right for each other.
Bob forgot all about her until 5 or 6 months later, she phones him to ask him if he is free on Saturday to move furniture for her.
Bob said no.
When they met, he was surprised it was the same lady. She was much wider than the picture suggested. However, thinking looks weren't everything and that she could always diet, they ordered coffee and sat outside to drink it. Bob kept smelling cat urine.
It didn't take long to get around to the pets. Turned out she had 12 cats living inside and about 5 or 6 outsdie. "Oh no!" Bob thought, "I've found the cat woman!"
After Bob changed positions to sit upwind, they had pleasant conversation and he said goodbye after agreeing they weren't right for each other.
Bob forgot all about her until 5 or 6 months later, she phones him to ask him if he is free on Saturday to move furniture for her.
Bob said no.
Now that's being caged in
I read a profile recently where the man said he was into long emails and loved to read. Since I am not a big phone person I thought I'd take another look. He emailed me about his family. His daughter was growing up so fast and his son was showing himself to be like his dad. He worried sometimes his son had his temper though and sometimes didn't think things through before acting.
No, his kids didn't live with them.
He talked about several books he had read and made the comment that if we became friends on line maybe after a couple of years we could meet face to face. He sent me a picture with the last emial.
When I opened it, he was in an orange jumpsuit with his prisoner number 1/2 showing.
No, his kids didn't live with them.
He talked about several books he had read and made the comment that if we became friends on line maybe after a couple of years we could meet face to face. He sent me a picture with the last emial.
When I opened it, he was in an orange jumpsuit with his prisoner number 1/2 showing.
Woman of Woe
After chatting for a while, Jerry decides Debbie is a woman to take a chance on. She's attractive and in all 4 emails never asked him once what he did for a living. They meet at TGIF's and when they are seated, Jerry asks Debbie how she is doing.
To his surprise she tells him she has been having some problems breathing. She goes into about a 20 minute informative speech on asama. Learning more than he ever wanted to Jerry sums it up by saying, "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. How's the food?"
As it turns out, her breathing isn't as bad as her back. The rest of the meal, Debbie shares every ailment she's ever had since birth. At the end of the long meal, Jerry walks her to her car and says he hopes she feels better...knowing he'll feel better now the date is ending.
"Oh," she says, "I feel fine. I was hoping maybe we could go back to my place."
Jerry declined.
To his surprise she tells him she has been having some problems breathing. She goes into about a 20 minute informative speech on asama. Learning more than he ever wanted to Jerry sums it up by saying, "Well, I'm sorry to hear that. How's the food?"
As it turns out, her breathing isn't as bad as her back. The rest of the meal, Debbie shares every ailment she's ever had since birth. At the end of the long meal, Jerry walks her to her car and says he hopes she feels better...knowing he'll feel better now the date is ending.
"Oh," she says, "I feel fine. I was hoping maybe we could go back to my place."
Jerry declined.
I only look on the outside
So, I got to the restaurant at 12 noon. I wait for 20 minutes thinking the guy got lost. Finally I break down and call him. He says he has left the restaurant after waiting 15 minutes.
But I was there until 20 after.
Well, I waited outside and didn't see you so I left.
I was inside in plain view.
Oh, well, I didn't look inside. I mean you never know what to expect on these Internet dates.
I was polite, but was thinking, "You got that right!"
But I was there until 20 after.
Well, I waited outside and didn't see you so I left.
I was inside in plain view.
Oh, well, I didn't look inside. I mean you never know what to expect on these Internet dates.
I was polite, but was thinking, "You got that right!"
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